In a lengthy interview on her Girls Next Door Years, Holly explains why she’s been around so long and what her relationship with Kendra and Bridget looks like now

“Girls Next Door” was loved by viewers who wanted a BTS look at life inside the Playboy Mansion – but for the women who live there, it wasn’t quite the perfect situation, it was ‘was supposed to be on TV

While Holly Madison previously opened up about her experience as Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend in the revealing book “Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny,” she revisited some of the ups and downs. stockings from now on this week’s Call Her Daddy podcast

Madison first explained how she ended up at the mansion in the first place, claiming that she got an invite after working for Hawaiian Tropic As she started going to more parties, the girlfriends of Hef invited her out with them for a night At the time, she “failed everything” in Hollywood, had bad credit and broke up with a friend Attracted by what she felt was a “welcoming” community, Holly said also thought she might ‘have a safe place to live’ for a while if she accepted their offer.

On their first night out, she said that Hef tried to offer her Quaaludes, which he called “thigh openers” While Holly turned them down, she said she saw Hefner “them distribute for years “after moving in Madison said she would really get drunk and added that marijuana was popular in the home – claiming she couldn’t” remember a moment in the bedroom that I didn’t had not lost “

“Everyone was going upstairs and basically everyone would be having sex and I didn’t know what to expect,” she said of her first sexual encounter with Hef. “I think I had a feeling this is my first night, maybe I won’t be supposed to do anything the first night But when I got up there I was so lost and thrown in, that once it was done, there was something about the experience that made me feel really out of control “

“For me, I’m already in this hopeless situation and already thought that living in the mansion would be a solution to my problems,” she explained “I think I felt that if I just had to leave tonight there and never come back, I would have felt really used and really chewed up and spat “

She said that women wouldn’t be expected to have sex with Hef every night and would wear underwear to let him know when they were having their period. Madison said women would never ‘like’ Hefner and was mostly lying on his back while they did most of the work. She also said that Hef did not pass women on to his friends – saying he was “always very careful to have other older men around” and that he was “very selective about how he organized his arrangements. friends”

She said she had to sleep with Hef before she was allowed to stay in the mansion – a rite of passage that all women had to go through “I’m not trying to smear shame or anything d ‘other,’ she added, ‘but no one has ever been asked to move in unless they sleep with him’

When Holly first moved into the mansion, there were six other women at the time, including Hef’s # 1 girlfriend, Tina Jordan Madison said a number of women “were dating other people on the side,” which made Hef “super jealous” when he found out “I saw people coming in 5 minutes after the cover -9pm fire and dress by it, “she said, claiming that a woman lied about visiting her family when” they were really fucking kid rock or something ”

Explaining Hef’s initial appeal – aside from the stability in the manor house provided – Holly said she fell in love with things she now knows “are a great shot of groomers,” like him in him saying she was “really special” She added: “It’s hard not to move in this”

She admitted that she wasn’t quite sure what she was signing up for when she moved in and none of the other women were so helpful “They would tell me the bare minimum,” Madison said, “Nobody really wants to help anyone Everyone wants a central page or more money “

“It was horrible the first three or four years I lived there Before it was me, Bridget and Kendra, it was me and six other women and it was rotating every two years It was really fierce, no one got along, everyone tried to make fun of each other, ”she recalls As the other girls wanted to go out and party, Holly said she really enjoyed staying for them. Hef’s old movie nights – and felt the women “push” her into the lead girlfriend role when Tina moved out

“Nobody wanted it,” she said of the job, which meant she would have to move into Hef’s room “At first I was flattered I felt really special Meanwhile everyone had been around long enough to know what it was about Then everyone turned on me soon after because Hef realized he could use my good behavior as a comparison for other girls Why can’t you behave like Holly? Then they hated me They were like, let’s get that bitch out of here “

She finally started to feel like she was in love with Hef, but added that, “thinking about it” now, “it was kind of a very Stockholm syndrome that I felt I identified with. to him he was complimenting me so much, I started in my mind started to blame all the other issues on other women “

“After making love the first night, I had locked myself in the situation in a way because of shame,” she continued. “Imagine having sex with someone in a room full of women who all hate you and you know they all talk about you Like, is that horrible? I felt it all the time Yeah, it was a little f — ed up It was disgusting “

She went on to say that she had sex with Hef one-on-one after moving into her room, but that she had never been someone who actually felt sexual. before leaving the mansion Madison said she was always “too messed up” to orgasm and claimed that Hef had “a fixation” on how women all prepare. “I feel like his obsession with young people women was half disgusting, ”she said, adding,“ He would get mad if someone wasn’t shaved. ”When asked about his penis, Madison said that“ was just like, normal ”

Madison actually didn’t say much about Kendra Wilkinson or Bridget Marquardt during the 90-minute interview, only mentioning them in passing when talking about the contracts they had to sign for “Girls Next Door. “While she is not sure whether Kendra – who was out of town when the contracts were presented to them – actually signed hers, she felt that she and Bridget were ‘under duress’ when they signed. their All three had reservations, she claimed, Holly saying “it was scary it was like it was a contract to be in a relationship” Of course they all did and the series has become a huge success

When asked if she had a relationship with Kendra now, Madison simply replied “No”, before adding that she and Bridget had “always been close”

Eventually Madison and Hef started talking about having children, which didn’t happen and was the beginning of the end of her stay in the mansion

“I knew it was because of him, I was healthy, he was just too old thank goodness [that didn’t happen],” she said, explaining that ‘having children was another example of her trying to justify why she was there so long “I have to turn this situation into something, I had almost locked myself in this box in a certain way. not hard to do there it’s a very cult atmosphere anyway and you are manipulated to feel that but besides my own shame kept me there too i just couldn’t really imagine a life outside from there “

“I thought this was my last step, if I want to have kids, I will try”, she added “I was like, okay, if I am not going to have any kids here, it’s something I have to think about It’s like a death sentence “

Madison claimed that she sometimes felt suicidal in the mansion and that she had been given antidepressants by the time the show started. Over time, she said she noticed she was starting to stutter and her “brain felt slower” the longer she stayed in the mansion “I think it was part of being nervous, part of doubting myself, part of being in this environment where I always drank and my mind was never stimulated,” he said. she explained, “I was always afraid of being sabotaged by other women, getting fired, he would yell at me or embarrass me in front of other people”

She then started to think about leaving, a decision that took her months to finally get to. She said she had “a lot of guilt” about leaving, because she had the feel like “I was committed to being with him and we talked about being together for the rest of his life I felt a little guilty about leaving “

“But when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to have kids with him it was a big thing and my depression was coming back and he would go ask Bridget why I was depressed and he didn’t want to ask me “she said” It was just really weird As everyone was leaving I started to realize it was just me and Hef he started picking on me more I don’t know if he was just stressed I know things weren’t so good financially for him, maybe he had a little stress, or he didn’t have the game to oppose us anymore all three He started picking on some really stupid things and I just realized I couldn’t be here This guy is an asshole, I can’t stay here “

She said she had to take an interest in another man, Criss Angel – whom she only called “The One Who Won’t Be Named” – to force her hand, because she didn’t want to cheat on Hef

“When I left the mansion I was sucked into another relationship that was really bad,” she continued “I was so mentally ready to be independent, but that was another romantic relationship and I fell into it I really feel like the universe was sent to me to be that last dot on me, to be like, okay you never have to be in a relationship like again this one “

She said other men in her life since Hef were “really worried” about her past “Some have raked me on the coals for this and asked a million questions about sex,” she said. she added, “Some guys are super insecure and can’t handle”

Madison also said that she doesn’t really have any regrets about her behavior on “Girls Next Door” as she now sees some things as coping mechanisms

“When I think back to Girls Next Door, especially the first few seasons, I see myself facing I was really stiff and not open and just like a robot and I was saying the type of things I thought Hef would want I say and things that made it look good, ”she explained. “I can’t really not regret it because I don’t know how I could have cope otherwise Now I’m more myself and more open I couldn’t have said what I was really saying or feeling, that would have been cut I was super guarded and super nervous about making my private life public “

Hefner died aged 91 in 2019, but spoke out against a number of Madison’s allegations in her revealing 2015 book “In my life I have had more than my fair share of romantic relationships with wonderful women, ”he told Us Magazine at the time. “Many have left to live happy, healthy and productive lives, and I am happy to say that you remain dear friends today. Sadly, there are a few who have chosen to rewrite history in an attempt to stay in the spotlight I guess, as the old saying goes: you can’t win them all! “

Holly Madison

World News – CA – Holly Madison details her sex with Hugh Hefner, how he ‘crashed’ into her tension & at the mansion